The Raoul Sings Collection
by M'selle de Paris
Summary: An anthology of all the songs you never knew Raoul really sang. All are parodies of various musical songs. Laughs- or at least raised eyebrows- guaranteed.
1. A New Play

Et voila! The premiere of my new _Raoul Sings..._ series. This is my comic relief from...all the other humor phics I've written...

Ah well. These are all simply silly.

_Foreword:_ This particular piece of our darling Raoul's is a parody of "A New Life", from Jekyll & Hyde. Enjoy!

* * *

**RAOUL:**

A new play  
What I wouldn't give  
To be in a new play  
One thing I have learned  
As I go through the play  
Getting Punjabbed doesn't get easier  
Along the way

A new part  
That's the thing I need  
To get away from this part  
Half a chance in showbiz  
To find a new part  
Just another role  
That I can play

A new song  
Something to convince me  
They're not _all_ wrong  
A new play  
Good enough  
To get my reputation back!

A new love  
One that isn't a  
Stalked-by-some-angel-love  
Where can it be,  
The part for me?

A new scene  
I have one I know  
That very few dream  
They all know it's crap,  
Those over-romanticized scenes  
Even though  
I make them laugh when I almost die  
A new love  
Though I know  
There's no such thing as  
Requited love  
For me;  
Although I never knew love,  
Still I feel that  
Even a spinster part is my due!

A new plot  
This one thing I want:  
To find a new plot  
Once, before they start  
To say Adieu, fop  
One sweet chance  
To prove all the Phans wrong!

A new play  
More and more, I'm sure  
As I choke in this play  
Just to kiss Christine  
And to pursue plays  
Just to experience the rejections  
Where I belong  
That's what I've been here for  
All along!

Each performance  
Makes me want a brand new play!


	2. The Vicomte of the Opera

And another!

_Foreword:_ A parody of...well, if you can't guess...

* * *

**RAOUL:**

In sleep he sang to her,  
In her dreams he came  
That voice which called to her,  
And spoke her name  
But did he leave her, then?  
For now I find-  
The Phantom of the Opera is there…  
Inside _my _mind….

**ERIK:**

What is he doing here,  
Drooling in my lair?  
I've tried to hide from him,  
But he's everywhere!  
And though I turn from him  
To get away-  
The Vicomte of the Opera is there…  
And there to stay...!

**RAOUL:**

And even though his face  
Has got nothing to MINE,  
Christine had it right that time:  
He's pretty fine...!  
I let Christine enjoy  
"Those eyes that burn",  
But, Phantom of the Opera, you know-  
Now it's _my_ turn…!

**ERIK:**

In all my fantasies  
I'd not have thought  
I'd be forever bound  
To the worthless fop  
My schemes, dreams, for his death  
All now in vain-  
The Vicomte of the Opera wants _me_…  
Well, is he really to blame?..

**RAOUL:**

He's there, the Phantom of the Opera…-  
Aaaaah-aaah-aaaaaah-aaaah-aaaaah-aaaaaaaah!  
Aaaaah-aaah-aaaaaah-aaaah-aaaaah-aaaaaaaah!  
Aaaaah-aaah-aaaaaah-aaaah-aaaaah-aaaaaaaah!

**MME. GIRY:**

Monsieur! Your hand at the level of your-

**RAOUL:**

Aaaaah-aaah-aaa—AUGH! This doesn't happen in the CD!- What are you—


	3. DePhantom

Well. I've updated at last. However...seeing as this is the result of me being up at 2 AM on vacation suffering from school-starting anxiety and listening to Ella Fitzgerald, I must warn you all that this is most probably the most blasphemous thing ever to grace the face of Phanphicdom.

But...who am I not to post something I've already gone and written? Only further proof of my insanity, but we all knew that already, right?...

Ah, well, if all else fails, it's a heads-up as to what else could follow in this phic...!

* * *

_**Raoul Sings:** DeLovely  
...Ungracefully Re-dubbed "DePhantom"_

**RAOUL:**  
I feel a sudden urge to sing  
The kind of ballad where everyone dies by bar 8…  
So, control your desire to Punjab…  
While I…can't think up a rhyme for Punjab…  
This verse I've started seems to me  
The beginning of the end of Raoul…a.k.a, Me  
So to spare you all the pain… (of me not being able to think up legitimate 'lyrics' to this first part…)  
I'll skip the darn thing and sing the refrain…!

The soubrette's young, my conscience clear  
But I gotta say—being a Vicomte, dear  
Is de-ifficult, it's de-very hard,  
It's dePhantom!  
I understand the reason why  
They want to kill me—well, so do I  
It's de-painful, it's de-suffering,  
With dePhantom!

You can tell at a glance  
What a mistake this night is for romance  
You can hear that darned Phantom murmuring low…  
"GOOOOOOO!"

So get out of my way, he's after me  
But I can't say it's my fault—you see,  
It's de-opera, it's de-singers,  
It's de-Box No. Five, it's de-Creepy Notes,  
It's de-Andre, it's de-Firmin,  
De-Christine—  
It's de-Phantom!

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...**Review?**... ;)


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